6:34

If you should wake up at 6:34 in the morning you might decide that you would like to exercise.  These are some of the things that might happen to you.

You will ride your bike to the natatorium.  It’s not too far and the traffic on a Friday morning won’t be too bad.  It’s too early for people to start worrying about being late.

The natatorium is a public place.  When you walk in you will say to yourself, “Oh yeah.  This is when the men of the park shower.”  Basically, there will be naked bums.  And by bums, you will understand that this will mean homeless butts.  They will be gossiping about people you, “don’t even want to mess with.”

You will choose the furthest lane in the pool and swim next to a larger lady wearing a snorkel.  She won’t stop the entire time you are in the pool or after you get out.  As a matter of fact she will have been going since before you even got in!  At one point you will notice the lifeguard girl zoning out on the larger woman’s butt as she swims by the lifeguard chair.  It is quite a sight.  You won’t blame her.

After an invigorating swim you will make your way back into the locker room, which will have been vacated.

On your way to your bike you will see first, a row of granny carts and second, grannies.  “Why are they all lined up here?” you will ask yourself, walking your bike to the curb, on the verge of asking a granny what this line is all about.  But you won’t.

You will stop at the grocery store for a few things.  One of those things is a half-pound of turkey.  Brenda will cheerfully help you.  She will smile and ask you if you would like a sample.  You will tell her, “No.  I know what it’s all about.”  She will respond with a hearty understanding, “Okay?”  Brenda will be picking up what you are putting down.  You will be amazed at the contrast of her short cropped bleached blonde hair against her dark skin tone.  When you thank her she will say, “Thank you, baby”, as if the pleasure were all hers.

All packed up and ready to go, you will approach your bike noticing a man.  He will be wearing a McDonald’s T-shirt tucked into jeans.  On his feet are a black sneaker and a white sneaker.  But what you will really notice are the lattice style, black 80’s pumps that dangle in his right hand.  He will present them to you asking, “For your wife?”  What you will think is, “Those will never fit my boyfriend.”  What you will say is, “Man, I don’t have a wife.”  He will tell you that once you make a million dollars you’ll get one.  Then you’ll say you’re working on it.  He will remind you to do it smartly and to remember the prodigal son.

And on your way home you (and by you I mean me) will think to yourself, “I wonder how many gay millionaires have wives?”